Coaching stories

Stuckness:

People with ADHD often feel extra sensitive to judgment, criticism or rejection, known as rejection dysphoria. They tend to replay possible negative scenarios in their heads, again and again.

Client A came to a coaching session with something she described as a mental block needing to approach a key stakeholder. We uncovered that she was holding unhelpful beliefs about the relationship itself, and she was doubting the quality of her work. She found most value in naming her fear of being judged and being found out as inadequate. We gradually broke down the inner dialogue into facts and beliefs, and moved her from feeling blocked to feeling capable. The process of talking helped ease the spiralling emotions, and returned her mindset to a more rational version of itself.

Struggling to follow through

People with ADHD often start projects with lots of excitement, but that initial energy fades when they hit a bump in the road that also happens to be a low dopamine task that will remove the bump. I have helped clients break down a complex project by referring to it as a ‘’marathon.’’ We break the marathon into small, manageable goals that we call sprints and 5Ks. We plan and review these mini goals together in short, regular sessions – ideally 20-30 minutes bi-weekly. Sometimes, clients like a quick check-in by WhatsApp between sessions. Knowing there’s a check-in coming up helps them take action and keep making progress.

One of my clients, whom I support with completing her dissertation, noted:

 ‘’I value and respect the relationship with Lenka. It is the person and the relationship that motivate me to reach my mini goal each week. Having small time bound deadlines takes the option of overthinking away. Instead, it helps me get things done to the best of my ability within that timeframe.’’

Talking through the low dopamine tasks adds a splash of novelty, which transforms the task into a higher dopamine task. Small weekly wins build a sense of progress, and that naturally boosts motivation. When a low dopamine bump in the road (often referred to as procrastination moment) is not supported, instead of moving forward, people with ADHD often get stuck – sometimes referred to as task paralysis or being in the ‘’frozen zone’’. Their energy is spent on replaying negative thoughts about themselves, instead of moving forward.

Overwhelm:  

People with ADHD are often energetic, charismatic, and friendly, so they get asked to help a lot. They also love new and exciting projects, which makes it easy to say yes to too many things—especially when the tasks seem fun or interesting. All this adds up, and before they know it, they are overwhelmed. In coaching, we work on impulse control – some of the questions I ask my clients are: Who or what is pulling you towards adding another project to your list? What would it look like to check in with yourself before committing to a decision? These questions (intellectual property of In Good Company), help clients slow down, think things through, and make more realistic choices.

To those around them, it might seem like they’re busy and getting thigs done, but really, they’re juggling too many jobs and struggling to complete any of them.